Limerick Asterly

I bloody love Limericks.

Just like me they are simple, often rude, and best enjoyed while intoxicated.

According to Britanica, the exact origins of the Limerick poetic prose is not known for certain, only that the first known written examples are from Edward Lear in his 1846 Book of Nonsense. One such Limerick Lear authored:

There was an Old Man who supposed
That the street door was partially closed;
But some very large rats
Ate his coats and his hats,
While that futile Old Gentleman dozed.

From the mid 19th century, the Limerick took on a life of its own amongst common folk and particularly as part of folk songs sung in taverns and at social events. It was in the early 20th century where magazines and newspapers held Limerick contests, where readers would write and submit Limericks for cash prizes and publication.

Limerick’s are incredibly versatile in their simple aabba rhyme structure and fluidity in cadence. For instance, this Limerick was popular as a tongue twister and vocal warm up exercise for vaudeville performers in the US:

A tutor who taught on the flute
Tried to teach two tooters to toot.
Said the two to the tutor,
“Is it harder to toot, or
To tutor two tooters to toot?”

I was introduced to Limericks by my grandfather when I was a little kid. He used to tell me the kinds of Limericks which 7 year old boys love, and grandmothers get angry at grandfathers for.

By far, my favourite one he told was:

Once a young woman named Alice
Used a dynamite stick for a phallus.
They found her vagina
In North Carolina,
And part of her anus in Dallas.

I have such fond memories of giggling uncontrollably whenever my grandfather would recite a Limerick to me that I think a good Limerick needs to be rude and spontaneous. He would have a million of them just lined up, ready to go at the drop of a dime.

Years after he passed, my grandmother told me that my grandfather was always a hit at dinner parties because even when they were first married he could pull Limericks from anywhere and get the whole room roaring with laughter.

So with the pre-amble done, here are a few of my own:

Limerick 1

A fella from Woolloomooloo,
had shelved a pinga or two.
At Splendour in the Grass,
he was down on his arse,
scooting to Blink-182.

Limerick 2

There was a black cat named Sock,
Who shredded his owner’s jock.
The trouble you see,
Is it was on me
Now I’ve got scratches all over my cock.

Limerick 3

Putin invaded Ukraine,
Thought it would take 2 weeks and one day.
Now we are here,
Nearly half a year,
Since Volodymyr said ‘no way’.